I am trying to sense where I stand with you, Jesus, and what you want me to do.  I am almost finished with the science and technology work and I have two months before my sabbatical is over.  On Monday I go to Sloan to see where I stand with the cancer.  I keep on thinking that you want a catholic media enterprise, the world needs it badly and today we lost the Supreme Court decision on marriage.  You know how much this will hurt your children Jesus.  But is that which you want me to do?  Part of me wants to write my memoirs and another part of me wants to write something about the situation in the world in general so that Darren can make good Entertainment Media from this.  I am feeling well and thank you for that lord.  It was good to see Teresa and Tommy and their family's visit tonight for lasagna.  I still feel part of the world and I think that this "dying from mesothelioma" seems to be really more of something I imagined then is something real.  I still don't know when the other shoe will drop.

I am getting close to you through my readings and through my extended visits to church.  I do feel enmeshed in a safe world of beautiful buildings, powerful sentiment, and a deeper faith.  I've realize that I am not a person of feeling and emotion.  I can not expect that you will reach me through those means.  But I am a person who can take long term steps towards long-term goals.  You helped me get a doctorate; you helped me write novels; you are helping me with the virtual reality (which is always very challenging); you will continue to help me I know.  I read St. Therese of Liseux and I see her child like the belief that you will always be with her.