Jesus, it has been some time since we talked.  Darren's dad died and there was much preparation, consternation, celebration, and worry with his funeral and burial.   You had granted him a full life, despite the Alzeheimer's of his last days.  Hopefully / prayerfully, the breakthrough in getting a priest to him, even though his was then in the throes of dying from a stroke and lack of feeding, you were able to break through to his heart and gain from him the repentance that you needed.  Who but you can judge someone?  Who but you understanding what the "hour of your death" really means.  In my micromanaging of the world, I could see Dad  now praying for his family from the other side.  How do you break through to the New Age group of which my mother-in-law belongs? I could see myself now at the family gatherings after the funeral worried about so much other then just the passage of a soul -- did I look OK?  (especially since Darren's first wife (from whom his marriage was legitimately annulled) came to the service) was I projecting holy vibs (they all knew that I was dying too but I tried to show faith and hope (but did I come across as pompous and silly?)  did I forever look at the photos from the funeral and look to see if / how I looked compared to the rest?  How long vanity lasts in me.  How and when will I learn to follow your light?

I am feeling considerably better -- I take 3 mile walks in the morning and much of the healing after the removal of the drainage catheter from my chest seems to have happened.  I am enjoying the time with the sabbatical and the reduction in the stress of work.   I still thing about returning to work in the fall and wonder if / how I can do that.  Please be sure to tap me hard on the head with what I am to do job wise; I have a hard time hearing your voice at time.   I did get to the healing mass at the Divine Mercy chapel and I could feel your peace.  But your voice gets hard to hear so quickly for me.  I am (at Danny's recommendation) getting more time in front of you in t your churches; but much seems to get in the way.  His (Danny's) point is that I can not go wrong if I am spending more time in our presence. That is true.

Today we go to Roxbury to get some paperwork signed.  I have more tapes from Lighthouse Catholic Media that I hope to listen to on the way.  Please help them inspire Darren and me.  I still hope that he starts the Catholic media company but I have been pushing too hard - he resists and it might be all about my will and not yours.  Please guide me there.  I am still trying to manage things from this side and the other side of the grave.   Please help me learn to see . . . and to trust. . . your way Lord.

Thank you for giving me my wonderful life and family to this point; help me with the fears that keep coming up. 

Dear Lord Jesus.  My energy seems to be returning and the soreness is quieting down.  Am I really in a reprieve?  How long will it last?  And then the really big question for me on a day-to-day level – what do I do with mike time now?  I just finished working on the MOOC for holy apostles.  It is actually energizing me to feel part of the world again and hopefully making a contribution.  Dear Lord Jesus, what is your well for me now?  I have been doing that work with Tanzania and Africa.  It was only at the foundation level.  I feel drawn to working again on the science education projects.  But is that your will dear lord or is it my will?

To the extent that I return back to work and September, this science education work is very consistent with the work of my sabbatical.  It does seem the least "logical" that I do this work.  I can align it with another MOOC for holy apostles and I can align it with my work for the school, should I return.  Maybe I'll have to work on the assumption that that is what you want me to do, Lord th th; at least until you show me otherwise.  Please let me know what you want me to do! ! !