I have been reading more about other people with cancers.  I seem to have gotten into a situation where people know about my health concerns and have been sending the reading materials.  It is helpful in some ways; it allows me to identify my psychological journey with those of others.  I am challenge to figure out what to do with my life at this point – if it weren't for the sabbatical I would be worried a lot more about work and what I should do there.  Thank you Jesus, but I do have several more months before I really have to worry about the financial aspects.  Also, these articles and resources have made me very thankful too that I am not anxious about the medical coverage itself.  I am most blessed to be in a place where I am getting the best of care (at memorial Sloan Kettering) and where I do not have to worry about Financial Resources.  I also have the good fortune that Darren is retired at this point and is willing to take on my care very directly.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the support that I've gotten.

It does make me realize that there is some obligation to reach out to those who don't have these supports.  One of the articles was a very much into the Healthcare System and where it doesn't support people who are now uncertain as to how they will take care of their own financial situations.  You have protected me from at Lord Jesus.  I owe you and the world something in return for the blessings you have given me there.  What I haven't seen is the literature on faith-based responses to illnesses such as mine.  It may be that I am just not looking for it.  I do not want to spend what is left of my time just reading about sickness and dying.  Unless of course it is from those of the saints – such as Saint Teresa or Saint Faustina.  I will precede with what is the focus I think I am supposed to take it this point – that of my spiritual journey.

I will say that from the readings I have done in the secular world about cancer surviving the missing piece really does seem to be any sense of God or faith.  What a frightening journey this would be if I didn't have that.  I cannot say that I feel particularly ill yet.  Thus I know I am speaking from a privilege point of having an awareness of my death but not get the feeling the pain that will precede the actual end.  Thus I can speak rather glibly.  But I do know that even now when I feel frightened, I can think about how you Jesus, will share your yoke with me.  As the memorial of your passion and death approach, for my own salvation

You have given me this particular cross for my own salvation and hopefully for the salvation of others, in particular my family. 

I also did get on the e-mail from father Erasto in Tanzania, and it gives me hope to go on with the science education development.  Is that which you want me to do, Jesus?  Every time I start to do something in the short-course approach to science education, it shows one more piece that I need to do to make this work together as a teaching approach.  Again, I do not know if it is my will or your will dear Jesus.  I hope to see Dan sometime this week.  He always challenges me to think deeply about what I am doing with what is left of my time.  I hope with what is left of my time, to live in the quiet cocoon and that I seem to be in right now, to be able to read about you through the lives of the saints and the working of the church, and to be able to move forward some of my education pieces.  They don’t seem like much of a contribution, but it’s all I’ve really have to give you Jesus.

One other interesting aside, dear lord.  I know that Darren has great talents in the ability to write, act, and manage.  I wish he would work on a catholic media company.  I don’t know how to make that happen.  But it does seem that if he starts journaling about his own growth and the growth of our family during this time of health crisis, that might be the story that he needs to bring forward into a very good entertainment/teaching media.  Lord, direct me as to how to keep on sowing the seeds if this is what you want Darren to do too.  He can be very obstinate (just as I am very good at the obstinate to), but I think you have given him great talents in this area and it would be a good use of his time and talent.

Dear lord I need to go on with a journey that I have in the education world right now.  Please direct my path and let me know what can help you further the bringing of your light into the world.  I give you my science and my science education background.  Use them if it is something that you want for others as the journey to you to Jesus.