Good morning, Jesus.  Thank you for starting this day with me without the pain in my back.  I am learning how pain cripples you and takes away your ability to move beyond yourself.  I could see all of my thoughts and hopes for the end of my life were fading into a miasma of inability and suffering.  And I knew that the pain was only at the beginning.  However, today I am feeling less pain in my pack and am hopeful that I can have a productive day.  I guess it is up to you, Jesus, what you consider to be productive.   I have from long had my plans, and I don’t know what has really come of them.  Yesterday, I talk to Meg at work and it was very uplifting to hear that some of my ideas and finally moving forward.  It made me wish and hope that I could be around in the fall and be productive and see some of the virtual reality work move towards the nursing program.  But I don’t know if that’s what you have in the cards for me, dear Lord.  It seems I will have to continue on my master document that can serve as a legacy that can pull together the different courses I’ve created to date.    

I will be seeing Father Torres on Friday in having a general confession.  I also hope to bring him in as a spiritual director and adviser.  He has had experience in higher education in the understand some of the work that I am doing at least on a conceptual level.  I don’t know when I am being in your Good graces Lord or am I am being self-centered and egotistical.  I’m hoping that Father Torres can give me some direction about this. 

I’m continuing to read the “Life of Christ” by Fulton Sheen and it is giving me many more insights into the way you walk this earth dear lord.  And this may sound a little silly and trivial, but after having the back pains yesterday and for several days before, I am more concerned about keeping my body moving and limber and I’m wondering, dear lord, if you can help me think of exercises in movements that can also be prayers.  If I have to be doing these stretches and movements of my body, can they be a way to get grace for myself and for others in the world?  Tasha is a very good one at giving me information that she learns from other people who have published about their own suffering.  Part of me wants to be one of those high accomplishment people that offer solutions for others to learn from.  However, I know that is my ego speaking and that I really need to understand what you want me to be able to do with what’s left of my time on earth.

I got a very nice bathrobe from Glynnis and I sent her a thank you note.  In that I did reference death and the Hail Mary’s that I’ve offered over the many years.  I want to enable them to be able to talk about death and to think about where they’re going in their own future.  However, again, I wonder if it is my ego speaking and not you Dear Jesus.  Please guide me through these times.  Help me to use them well for my own salvation and for those of others.  I’m so enmeshed in this world that I cannot see and understand where you really want me to go.  But give me your grace so that I can find a good use of whatever time is left for me.  I know that many are praying for miracles and healings for me.  Sometimes I want that, and other times I just want to move on and leave whatever legacy I have at this point in my life.  I think I am concerned about becoming like my mother or Darren’s parents have lived so long that they’ve become a burden to others.  There is a part of me that wants to leave this life at least fully cognizant.  But again I know that is my ego speaking, dear Jesus, so please give me the grace that I will do what you want with whatever time I have on this earth be it one year or 40.