I awoke with a sharpness of pain in the trunk of my body.  It may have come from the way i was sleeping, however I’m still not use to pain and I felt myself wincing to avoid positions that would cause me discomfort.  I’m able to talk to Jesus more now when these things happen.  Because of the size of my family and their general prayer fullness and because of all the connections from Danny, I am well covered now with prayers support from all corners of the earth.  I still don’t see Jesus in his vaulted role in heaven, but I am beginning to see him into the smaller aspects of my life, to see him when I’m driving, see him when I have to ask why a particular thing is happening, and I am learning to see and when I’m talking on the phone to doctors and doctors’ offices and all the minor irritations that go along with being sick.  Jesus has threaded this whole world together and me and my little circumstances and calamities in my little life are part of the pathway if he’s set for me so that I can reach him someday in this fullness. 

I like to sit church and I constantly closed my eyes during the mass.  I try to get away from the distraction of looking at people, looking at the priests but that often leads the into moving often to my own daydream.  Help me Lord to know what demeanor I should have when I sit there to worship you; help me Lord that the focus is on you and not on me.  I’ve had glimpses when I understand for a split second your control over the world, your love of the world and that I am a piece of that moving love out into the world, however, these moments are glimpsing and fleeting and mostly I put it into my hands and try to control the piece of earth that you put me on but not in a lovingly way but through the lens of my own ego and selfishness.  Help me which see the world through the lens that you use and then please give me the enlightenment to know what I’m supposed to do with in this world. 

I need to finish more of my work with the college and the need to be moving forward put to work for my sabbatical.  I’m not quite sure how to proceed at this point.  It does seem that maybe you should be assembling books that codify what I know and understand and getting those together.  Let me know if that is the way I should worked dear Lord.