The pain continues; it seems to be related to the draining of the pleural cavity.   I have been in touch with Sloan about what to do for the pain, but I think I just have to live with it until I see the doctor next week.

I can see how the pain brings you in on yourself.  I try to remember Jesus and see him as I walk through my often tawdry life and surroundings.   There is no nobility and romance in the basic environment in which I live.   The house is wonderful and serviceable but it is like Darren and I, mundane and practical.  It doesn't fit the image of someone dying nobly.   But it is what Jesus wants.   I don't know if I am dying or if I will get a reprieve.   Tasha sent me the Novena to the Holy Spirit.   I will be praying that too for the next nine days.   Holy Spirit, guide me to use my time well, whatever amount I have.  There are many more worthy and sympathetic cases out there besides mine.   I might only "die a little young for today" but not young.  I just really want to know what way to spend my time.

As I paced the house last night -- I couldn't get comfortable with the pain in my back -- I could feel again the need to create the master book on teaching, learning, science education, technology and the like; a book that would reference my own work and would reference the research too but without all the time to look up the citations and authentications.  I will see today if God wants that.   I would use speech dictation too, I think.   It seems to be a way to pull together and pass on my work - but is that me or God asking for this?   Could you let me know today Jesus and the Holy Spirit?

I am fearing the inability to drive.  I want to get to daily Mass.   Maybe I can get Darren to bring me communion?  I seem to just want to stay in my little space and lick-my-wounds.   But truly I fear being in pain and in spasms in public.  Maybe when the pain meds get worked out I can venture more broadly again.

Jesus, please direct my work through how you want me to go during my time left on this planet.