Jesus, today I go to meet the medical profession - heading for a week in NYC and Sloan.   I had a great weekend with family (Tanya, Bryan & Susan, Darren) and talked to others (Niko and Tasha).  It is good to feel so cared for and even spoiled. 

I awoke during the night and lay there, thinking about my life being fore-shortened.  Thinking about how I got mesothelioma is getting me pondering too much about money and about "fairness."  It seems I may have been cheated out of years of my life - and, I hate having to lose Darren for 20 years.  And, I fear what lies ahead. 

I know you will be with me Lord, but I have seen how poorly I react to pain, and those have been small pains compared to where I am going.  I can be calm when I am feeling good.  What will I o when I am really suffering?

Father Erasto would like the education materials.   I still wonder if it is my will or God's will but I am now asking the Blessed Mother for more help on discernment so I hope to do what you want.   Not knowing how much time I have left certainly makes it hard to figure on what to do.  But I am still in the privileged space of finance and healthcare so guide me Lord and Mother.